Thursday, September 23, 2004

Exclusive interview with Paul Crouch's Reputation

Rocky River Press recently sat down with the reputation of Paul Crouch in its first one on one interview since allegations surfaced connecting Crouch to Enoch Lonnie Ford in a gay sex scandal.

ROCKY RIVER PRESS: You look a little tarnished. Are the recent gay sex allegations taking a toll on you?
PAUL CROUCH'S REPUTATION: That's coincidental. I just had a Botox injection which leaves behind an orange pallor.
RRP: You also seem to have lost a little weight?
PCR: Now that is true. I still have a healthy ego which helps my, um, stature. But the rabid dog media can have a deflationary effect on most reputations. Just because I happen to be attached to a well-known Christian, I am not immune.
RRP: Let's talk about Paul and Lonnie. You were there. Anything untoward happen?
PCR: It's important for me to be seen in a good light at all times. Presentation is everything. The illusion of grandeur is everything. Lonnie was the kind of guy who didn't know which fork to use for his salad. He had this funny laugh that could be heard throughout a restaurant. I felt during the times they spent together that I was seen in a lesser light amongst the unwashed masses. So, I tried to keep them apart as much as possible.
RRP: But what about the gay sex allegation at the Lake Arrowhead cabin? Any comment on that?
PCR: Paul left me in the car when they went into the cabin. A reputation isn't needed in private matters such as that.
RRP: But you are big and powerful? How could you be left behind in the car?
PCR: True, I am powerful. Thank you. But like most reputations, I am no match for the power of lust. Not that I know for sure that lust played a part in what happened.
RRP: So you have no firsthand knowledge of what occurred inside the cabin?
PCR: No.
RRP: You are the reputation of an important Christian leader. Is there any long-term damage to you here?
PCR: Maybe. My host is getting pretty old. I heard that that Rod Parsley guy is hot, hot, hot. I might join up with him if things get too out of control here. I'm not a specialist either. I don't have to limit myself to Christian leaders. I might branch out and find a politician to attach myself to. Or maybe a gay activist.
RRP: You'd dump Crouch if things started to look bad for him?
PCR: In a heartbeat.

--Rocky River Press
(see sidebar about RRP)